Saturday, 18 May 2013

  • Making a movie from your life


    If you are to make a movie based on your own personal life, how would the movie be like?  What genre of a movie would that movie be?

    ***

    With my recent posts here mostly revolving around my personal life, family members and family situation, etc..   My mind naturally are made to reflect and ponder about all these stuff, which is basically various aspects of my personal life, and many lost memories did came back, some made me smile, while some others...  make me smile even more..

    When I posted about the mothers in my life, where I recalled my mom's marriage with my dad, and what follows, with us kids etc, I did feel that I was fortunate to have my mom as a full time housewife..   And when I reflect on what my wife have to cope with after our marriage, subconsciously the thought of housewife is the best position that a wife can be in after marriage for the growth of the kids became stronger, in the back of my mind..  

    However, one of the comments in that post mentioned the in laws, (because I did mention how my mother in law is helping with the growth of my kids back home now), I was made to reflect upon my mother in law's journey until now...   Which, in the context of what I subconsciously deduced above, it made me to rethink and see from a different angle...

    Like my parent, my in laws got married overseas, during their undergraduate student years, and started to have kids overseas, and while being students..  However, unlike my mother, my mother in law continued a different path, career-wise..  She became a lecturer after finished her study abroad, and from then on until now she (alongside my father in law) are still a lecturer in a local university..  

    As I did mentioned in the previous post, I do think that my in laws did a great job in raising their kids, with all their kids are great character-wise and also education/career-wise..   So having reflected upon this, what I did subconsciously deduced earlier was challenged, and I think regardless of the career situation of the mother, to raise great kids in all aspects are very possible, if you are willing to put the effort necessary..  Obviously the task tend to be more demanding for working mothers, in certain aspects..

    Anyways, what triggered the topic of this post is that when I let my memory crawl back to the early marriage life of my parents and my parents in law, I was made to remember on fact, which reminded me that what I've mentioned in the recent post about how I married my wife was not technically true...

    I did mentioned about the incident that led me to see my wife for the first time (from afar)...    And in my mind, that statement is correct; that is actually the first time I laud my eyes on her..   However, I have actually met her before, in a time before I can remember...

    I was made to recall the time, I think it was a few days after our marriage, that my mom showed us an old picture, taken way back then, taken when our parents met each other during their student years...

    And guess what, I was in the picture, in the form of a very little boy, and whe was also in the picture, in the form of a baby not yet one years old.. 

    When I remembered about this, I smiled, and thought, this could be an interesting plot for a movie...   Haha..   Obviously the event that took place is just two couples meeting each other, became friends, and it is just a normal ocasion like any other...   But if it is to be made into a movie, obviously everything will be portrayed in a more dramatic fashion, to imply everything have a deeper meaning than what may seem on the surface...

    The scene where the little boy, reluctantly stands in the frame of the picture, and the baby held by her mother, and we hear the narrator's voice, "Little that these two child know that their fate will be intertwined once again, years and years after this..", with the scene fade, and suddenly the two child is now grown ups not knowing each other, and so on (towards the plot that brings the two together once again)...

    Wouldn't that make a great plot?   Or is it just me that is so into cheesy romantic plots, haha...

    Hmmm... 

    Well, thinking about it, I think the storyline can actually be made to go back even further...   It can start with four different individuals from four different villages, with four different backgrounds, and events that took place lead these four to become two married couples in their student years, and two of the kids born during those years turns out to have their fate intertwined like twenty years later..    And the friendship forged back then turned into a family ties..

    Perhaps I can call it the love story of two generations, or something..  

    Sigh, I wish someone with enough money can give the money to fund me to make this movie...  Hahaha...

    Oh well, I can only daydream...


    Anyways...   That's basically the thoughts that have been in my head these few days..  

    So what about you? 

    If you are to make a movie based on your own personal life, how would the movie be like?  What genre of a movie would that movie be?

Monday, 13 May 2013

  • Posting about my mom...


    Because I've read quite a number of posts others have posted about their mother, or about mothers in general, my mind is directed to think about my own mother, quite inevitably...

    Hence, this post...  

    I didn't plan to post about my mother, well, for one because I don't actually "celebrate" mother's day (I don't even know it was mother's day until the fatcat mentioned it in one of my recent post where I mentioned my parents, and it obviously become obvious when I see the flood posts on xanga related to the occasion), and secondly because, um..   I don't really plan what to post about anyways..  lol..

    So just being one of the sheep in the herd, I'll just go with the flow...

    I guess I'll dedicate this post to the mothers in my life...   One is my lovely mom, and the second one is my lovely wife...

    So..  What can I say about my mom..    It's hard to say anything, really, because it will always always be an understatement...   Despite never know how to say and express it to her, I do hope she knows how much I love her...

    She got married to my dad at a relatively young age, at 19, and I was born to this world a year later...   So she became a mom at the early stage of her university life..   I think that's probably one of the reason why she never started any career, as she straight away began a full housewife life from there on...   Plus, she was on full scholarship anyways, without any debt to pay from her university years (similar with my dad)..   So financially, my parent  have the freedom to choose their path without the financial burden as one of the factors...

    She's such a compassionate and loving mom, nurturing, and whatever else that are positive traits that one can say about a mom...   Her active role in cheering up my dad whenever he is stressed from work etc is also something that leave a positive vibe on us the kids..  

    She like to tease my dad too, from what I can remember...   I remembered one time when someone mistaken her and one of my sister as sisters, she quickly use it to tease my dad, saying how youthfull others thinks of her, and whatnot..  

    She definitely have a way to make you calm...  Whenever I'm stressed out or whatever, when I called home, and talked to her, she definitely makes me to be calm and relaxed, and more positive, by the end of the conversation...

    She is always youthful...    I have to be reminded of her age to realize that she is already 50+ of age..    Not saying that is old or anything, but..  Being around her, I'd never associate that number with her...   Not sure if that makes any sense..

    I believe the positive energy that she has definitely has affected all of her kids, and we are forever thankful for having her as our mom...

    I love you mom...


    And for the mother of my kids, my wife...   Well, what can I say...   Without her, I'm not complete (taking the cheesy line from some movies)...  

    Time sure flies, and it seems like just seconds, from the moment you first met the love of your life, to marrying her, having her as your wife, honeymoon, the first kid came around, and then the second, and then the third, and then the fourth...   and counting, lol...  

    Just like my mom, she got married to me in her student life (though already in her third year in university), and had our first son near her finals period...   She actually took some of her final exam papers in the hospital..   Not that she had any complication, but I think there's a cultural difference in how women is treated after giving labor in the east compared to the west, where the women are not advised to walk that much, etc..   Anyways, thankfully the lack of preparation for her exam etc did not affect her results, and she graduated successfully...

    Actually the first glimpse of "motherhood" that I see from her was about one year earlier...   Our first child was not her first pregnancy..  With her first, she had miscarriage..   And during consoling her in the aftermath, I sense her feeling at that time as she has just lost a baby, or a child..   Of course I have to confort her, to assure her it was not her fault etc (because she's quite an active girl, and she feels like she didn't took enough care that lead to the miscarriage)..  

    For our last daughter (so far), I finally have the chance to be at her side in the labor room...    It so happened that despite planning to do that from the first one, it never happened..   For the first child, the number of labor room that allow the husband to be with the wife is limited, and all are already occupied..   So I just waited outside..   For the second, I sent her to a regular checkup, I went down to buy some food, I came back up to bring the food to her, the doctor said to me to wait a bit, because they are washing the baby...   That moment was, like, OMGWHAT???...    For the third...   Well..   It's not how we have planned it, to say the least..   Because the first was induced (as it was passed the expected date), the second was whatever that is, so we never actually have any real experience in knowing the signs indicating that it's coming...   So when my wife said, do you think this is the sign?  I replied, I dunno, do you think this is the sign?  And before we know it, we didn't manage to get ready to go to the hospital, and our third child was delivered in our bedroom..   That was really an experience I wish not to happen again, haha..    I don't even know what the heck is going on, what to do...   Anyways, so for the fourth one, just when my wife said, "I think this...", I straight away get the kids,  get them ready, and take my wife and kids to the hospital pronto... 

    Being beside my wife as the mother of our kids, I think I have a deeper appreciation of all the hard works that my mom had to put up with raising us seven kids..   I only have four as of now, and it is already something of a task...   Each kids with their own character and behavior, it can sometimes makes you go "Urrrgghhhhh!!!!"..     The fact that I never remember my mom losing it, says a lot about her..   And my wife, yeah, she's trying her best, and with how we are coping with the kids I also start to imagine the role my dad must have played all those years (mostly behind the scene), to keep my mom sane, haha...    I think it surely would be ridiculously hard if the husband is not supportive all the way..  

    And yeah, as I've mentioned in recent posts, with the fact that I'm now thousand miles away from them, and already for nearly a year now, I could only imagine the hard work that my wife have been doing with the kids...   She does sometimes message me or call me, to hear my voice comforting and supporting her, and sometimes I'm not sensitive enough to lend that support that she needs..  I mean, because of the 7 hours difference in time zone, the time where both of us are awake is the time when I'm most probably in the lab, so, in my mind I do think that she should understand my situation, but, perhaps, I'm the one that should be understanding her needs right now...   

    I do miss the kids...   I'm happy to see how they are developing, from what I can see from the pictures and videos..    I think my kids living under the same roof with some of their cousins, does also help them grow from the interactions...   Plus, their granny (my mother in law) is also great at helping shaping the kids (she raised great kids, including a great daughter in my wife)..  


    Hmmm...

    I believe great mothers will definitely lead to great society, and a great world..  

    I'll end this post by saying my appreciation to all the mothers that have an impact in my life (my mom, mother in law, my wife, etc), and all the mothers that have made any impact to anyone at all...   Your job is perhaps the most underrated job of all, and we should show more appreciation to all of you...

    Thank you very much for everything...


Sunday, 12 May 2013

  • The age gap


    It has been like a good therapy sessions these few weeks for me, writing in here about myself, feels like letting out stuff from inside to someone intently listening..

    At the same time my mind was let to wander about things that I wouldn't otherwise ponder upon..   From one subject to another, as my mind was made to zoom into a particular subject, it created some sparks of new pondering on another subject...  

    It has been something of a self exploration, leading towards realizations of many things surrounding myself, giving birth to deeper appreciation of what I have, including many many things that I have taken for granted...

    Well, what I'm trying to get to, I guess, is...  For this, I would like to thanks all that have commented which give me that sense of having someone intently listening to the random words coming of my mouth (or my mind, rather)...

    Alrighty, moving on with the post...  

    ***
    Yesterday's post have led me to think about the friends that I have, especially those super close friends, all the nine of us...   Well, nine including myself, so it's actually the eight others..   But that's the thing about it, we somewhat have identified ourselves as the inseparable bunch of nine guys, that it has become a unit, among the bigger unit of close friends..

    Here's the thing...   I realized that the age difference between the oldest and the youngest among us is actually 11 years...   Which basically means, when the oldest was 10 years old, the youngest was not yet born...   Yet, somehow, we are so close and inseparable like we are right now...    I only realize how that might not be as normal as I have always assumed it to be when I thought of it out loud (if that makes any sense)...

    I mean...   Age gap, or age difference, does affect how we perceive and connect to each other, to a certain extent, right?  


    My youngest sister is almost 20 years younger than me..  My mom had me when she was 20, and had my youngest sister when she was almost 40...   It is interesting for my mom, I think, because on one hand she have eight grandchildren so far, two of which is already in primary school, and at the same time have a daughter also in a primary school to take care of.. 

    Before I came here to further my study, I was living with my parents..   And my oldest son is basically playmates with my youngest sister..   I think anyone that does not know how they are related, would definitely think that they are brother and sister...  

    Anyways..   Because that's the scenario in our house, I perhaps subconsciously see and treat my sister like I see and treat my son...   Not saying that they should be treated differently, but, perhaps what I want to say is sometimes I forget that she'd not my daughter, but my mom's..   I mean, there are some differences when you are dealing with your own kids and when you are dealing with someone else's kids, right?   I wonder if my mom have similar thing going on when she sees the two kids...

    Wait a sec...   I don't think this particular example is within the context of the age gap...   Hmmm...   Oh well, haha...


    Going back to the issue of age gap...

    I remembered back in secondary school (we have 6 years of primary school and 5 years of secondary school), when I was in the form 5 (final year of secondary school) there are always some students from form 2 or form 3 coming over to hang out with some of us, while I tend to go to hangout with others from form 2 or 3 too, for instance..   Looking back, despite the age difference and different seniority level, the sense of togetherness is somewhat homogeneous among the student...  

    Now, this is all normal to me, until I realized that it isn't in other school..   Looking back, I can't pinpoint what was done to us to make us all behaving as such..   But I'm glad to have studied in the school for eleven years (throughout my school years)...

    And I'm glad that similar sense of togetherness is still alive with me and my friends now...   Two of us are from that same school system, actually.. 

    Hmmm...   You know what...   I have no idea whatsoever where this post is heading...   Right now I can't even answer to myself what's the actual point of this post..  

    Darn..    Oh well I should just end this post right here then..   And I'm sorry to have wasted your time reading this, um, whatever this is...    Haha..

    Well, perhaps I should end this post with a question, just for the sake of pretending that this post have a point...  

    Does any age gap affect the we you communicate with other people?


Saturday, 11 May 2013

  • Money and Friendship


    Yesterday I posted "The meaning of life" - Dan, which is basically a post on what I think about each aspects mentioned in Dan's post of that title...   

    And there's this one particular comment I received on that post that lead me to ponder about the subject of money and friendship..

    You don't know who your real friends are until you bring up the word 'money.'

    I guess it is true the issue of money can be one of the issue that truly test the meaning of any friendship or relationship...

    I remembered a saying, it goes something like this: Money does not corrupt people, it just reveal the corrupt people...   Or something like that...

    So yeah, one day you might thought you know someone, but then when there's some money issue suddenly you find out they're someone else altogether...

    Anyways...  That comment made me to reflect on such issue in the friendships I have with my friends...

    The first thing that came out to my mind was what just happened recently, where two of our friends have some handphone problems..   One had his phone's screen broken, when it accidentally fall on the concrete pavement..    So it no longer function..    So when he told us what happened, and that he has ordered a new glass for the screen (not sure what it is called), which cost something like 100€, and he will send it for the screen replacement, the rest of us immediately messaging mong us (without him knowing) of collecting the amount amongst us to support the cost..   So the eight of us agree to chip in 15€ each, collected by one of us and then he gave the sum to him...  

    The same thing actually happened with that another friend..   In his case, his phone is still functioning, but for some reason the whatsapp apps no longer function on his phone...   And considering the nine of us are what you can call as very close friends, where we communicate among us almost daily, and the medium most frequently used is whatsapp..   So naturally when he cannot be involved for a few days, we felt like a loss in there, and immediately we decided to buy him a new phone that would enable him to be with us on whatsapp once again..  

    Thinking about it, this have been going on for years...   Whenever any of us have any money issues, we rarely need to ask for help, because as soon as one of the friends detected it, a secret meetings behind any particular one with the money problem will commence, and each of us will chip in to share the burden...

    The same happened to me too, actually..   When I first arrive in france, and have to settle down with the apartment, furnitures and appliances, it does put a bit of a strain financially...   I think normally it came out when we were chatting among us on skype, and after that one of my friend asked for my bank account number..    I thought it was weird at that time, but he said not to worry...   The next thing I know, quite a significant sum of money was deposited into my account..

    Few months back, one of my friends also asked me about my financial situation..   They know that my scholarship have stopped, as now I'm currently on my second extension period in my study (and scholarship)...    I already knew what his intention is...   So I kept saying it is still under control, I still have enough money to live, etc..   Of course I'm pretty much drying up, and already sending my money from my saving back home to my account here, so that I can continue to pay the rent and food that I need, to hopefully finish my study asap...   But I know I can't say that to them, because if I do, they'll immediately fork out some money and send it to my account yet again..

    Well, I just feel that those money can be used for more important and meaningful things..   So everytime he asked me again, I keep telling him that it is still okay, and when I need it I will definitely tell him..   I mean, I still have some savings left back home that I can use...   I think that most of these close friends have even less savings than me anyways...

    I'm not sure what cause people to be like this, but it's just the way we live our life, I guess...   My father is also keep pressing me about my financial situation..   Whenever I call back home, he surely will ask if he can send me money, haha..   I have to keep saying no, politely of course..   When I asked my mom her bank account number sometimes back, she kept changing the subject, because she know if I know her bank account number, I will be sending her money..   I actually keep telling my wife not to tell my dad my bank account information, despite him keep trying to get that info from my wife as he has failed to get it from myself...    Haha, we are bunch of weird people, I guess...

    Hmmm...   I think the strength of the friendship and familiy bond does show when each member keep wanting to contribute to others, that giving our "hard earned" money to other members actually makes us happy...   Because any hardship of the others definitely make us uneasy and discontent...

    The more exposure I have of the world, though, the more I'm aware that it is not always like that for people..   I shouldn't take these things for granted, I guess, and I cannot simply assume that my kids will have the same life style that I have..   Values are not inherited, but it is instilled, I think...   

    So I guess I'll have to do my part the best I can, as my parents have done their part with me and my siblings..   We are so thankful for our parents, and we do hope that our kids and great grandkids will be thankful for us too..    That..   would definitely make me happy..   

    and that..   will definitely make me feel that my life is a meaningful one...


Friday, 10 May 2013

  • "The meaning of life" - Dan...


    I read the post by Dan, and it does made me think of something, despite that post lack of the anticipated question at the end of the post...


    At one point or another, you will realize that most of your dreams will not come true.

    Even if your dreams come true, you will find out that they do not match what you thought they would be when you got there.

    This made me think back, trying to recall what dreams I had back then when I was younger...

    I realize that I never expect many of my dreams to ever be true from the beginning, as it was really mostly daydreams rather dreams that I really hope to be real one day...

    I dreamed (daydream) to be the one that score the winning goal that takes my country to win the world cup...    But I never really expected that to ever come real, as 1. my country never (and may never ever be) qualify to represent the continent of Asia in the world cup, and 2. I would never ever be good enough to play for my country...

    Heck..   Throughout my years in highschool, in my class of only 15 guys, I always always only good enough to be on the substitue bench for my class team and always never be on the first 11 in the team...

    However, there are some dreams that I find out to be better than what I expected, like my marriage...    Sure, it probably be partly due to me not knowing what to expect about marriage when I was younger, but from what I was imagining and hoped for, it did come out as good, just more real...

    Obviously, I'm only just in the first decade of many more to come (hopefully), so it is still a dream in progress...

    Additionally, I also dream of entering heaven...   And that, without a doubt, will be much much better than what I can ever imagine...


    Most of the friends you made during your life will not be there for you during your darkest hour.  When you die, very few people will be standing around you if any.

    Whenever people brings this up, it reminds me of the sad reality that most of us have...    I'm just blessed to have great friends around me that will always be there in my darkest hour, and I strongly believe will continue to do so until we die..   I guess it's just the way our belief shaped our character..  

    I also strongly believe that when I die it will not be alone..   Very recently one of our close friends died from road accident..    Throughout his short time in the hospital, many many friends keep coming to see how he was doing, and after he was gone, most of us keep meeting his family for condomence and any help that we can lend...   When one of our friend have his father passed away last year, we did the same with him and his mom, to lend any help and support primarily to his mom and the rest of the family...    Not really know how to explain this thing, but this is just how we live our life, and I believe it is tied to the belief system and worldview that we have, and that's the only way to live that we know..

    With all the things that I keep witnessing around me, I have no doubt that when I die, all my friends will make sure my family will be helped and supported in whatever aspects they need...


    You will spend most of your life either working or sleeping.

    This is true...   I need my sleep, though..  Haha..

    I do wish that I can do what I want to do with my life with the majority of my time (outside the sleeping time)..   But that's just not an option, for the time being, I guess...   I need to have to work the job that will give me the money I need for all the things I want to do in each evenings and weekends (those are the available times for now for me to do all the things that I want to do with my life, to achieve my goal in life)..   On top of that, I also need the money to support my wife and kids, to have a good environment for a good upbringing.. 

    I do envy some of my friends that can do what we do full time, as it becomes his full time job, though, to be honest..    But given the circumstances, we should strive to make the most of the circumstances we have, right...   My hours during my "secondary" job is not for nothing, anyways, as it provides the financial means for me to be able to go all out as possible in my "primary" job, as the latter requires sufficient financial support for me to be able to do it continuously until I die...


    One day you will get cancer or have a heart attack.  If you are lucky, you will die instantly.  But most of you will not be lucky.  You will die slowly.

    Hmmm...   I do hope I will not die slowly...   

    In my circle of life, I think not many of us actually die at the hospital (except those that died due to accident, like the friend I told earlier)...   So I don't expect to die at the hospital, for that reason..  

    At this point, though, I'm not that concerned how I die, but more concerned of what I'll have prepared for myself when I die, which can actually be any minutes of the day...


    All marriages end in divorce or death.  So even if you marry your "soulmate," he/she will potentially divorce you down the line.  If you stay married, one day you will wake up to a dead body laying next to you.  He or she will have left you alone. 

    I have posted recently about my marriage, and how marriage life is for us in our family and circle, so with all those things I don't expect divorce to be part of my life story..  

    But death..  Well, that's an inevitability that we accept in life, and I'm not sure if anyone that think something like true love will actually overcome death..    And personally I don't get how can anyone think when a loved one die, they are in any way leaving us alone..    It's not like they are saying "I'm no longer in love with you, so I choose to be dead right now, good bye"...  

    I guess due to my belief, I never actually believe that my wife is "mine", in the sense that she belongs to me and she needs my permission to die when the time comes..   And that she belongs to the one that created all things that exist, and when He decides her time is up, that's the end of her journey in this life..    The same would be the case with me and my life..    The same with my kids and their life...

    And to tie this subject with "the meaning of life"...    Because I believe in the afterlife, I sometimes don't fully understand why death is deemed to be something tragic by other people of faith..    If my kids died as children, because in my belief they are practically guaranteed of heaven (as they don't yet have any sins to be accounted for), I would not see their death as something tragic...   The tragic thing is if I fail in my tests in life and cannot join them in heaven..    If my kids grow up and become bad people in their life, then that will be a tragic thing..   Hence I would do everything in my ability to avoid anything like that from happening...


    If you are a mother and you are raising your children, they will leave you. They will have a family of their own.

    I only hope that I will be successful at raising great kids and they will grow up to be great persons, and raises great families and kids, and the cycle will continue on..   I only wish that with time more and more good and great people will be on the planet, and I'm part of the cycle or chain..   That's basically part of the meaning of life that I hold to, hence it would only be tragic if my kids didn't grow up in such way..   I really really hope they will make me proud when I see my grandchildrens and great grandchildrens...


    You are unlikely to become rich.  But if you happen to become rich, you are still going to end up in a nursing home with someone else having to wipe your butt for you.  There will become a point when you can barely walk and you will not be able to avoid wearing an adult diaper.

    Hmm...  Not sure how being rich is related to the meaning of life...   (Perhaps it is for other people)

    But about being old, yeah, that's part of the cycle of life, and a real possibility in our life...   Looking at the people I truly respect, I just hope, really really hope, that I'll grow old like them...   At 60, at 70, they are still actively involved with all the things we do to improve the society, the next generation..   And it is great to see three generations actively doing the thing they love to do, and I truly hope that my old life will be exactly like that, with my kids and their kids doing the same thing week in week out...

    About nursing home, because I have never seen anyone in my extended family or circle of life being sent to live in any nursing home, I doubt it will be part of our life..   I guess that goes back to what being family really means for people, and for us, taking care of your parent for the better or worse, is something like a creed or something, that it is simply part of our life..    Hence it is unthinkable for anyone to treat their parent like that..  


    Hmmm....

    It's interesting how Dan's post without a question is the one that trigger me to make a post entirely based on his particular post...

    Anyways, consider this post as a sharing from myself, and perhaps it can be seen as a little bit of an exposure to the way I see life, and the meaning of life in my perspective..

    Until next time...